The hardest part is taking that first step.


"...the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

He's not that.

Sometimes I guess love just isn't enough.

He loves me.

I wish I would have known about this song before. It would have been so perfect 6 months ago.

How could I be so blind?
I didnt see it coming
believed in all your lies
You treated me so kind
like I was in heaven
But lately its been hell
I get up again
I know I will
I get up again

And now you can burn motherfucker burn
I push the brakes and make a U-turn
Im driving back in the fastlane, to my world
before you came

Jill is in love. There is nothing she can do about it.

So much for being in remission. My UC waits no longer. I guess I should be happy that I got this far, it has been since September since I have had a Remicade treatment. I really hope he does not recommend me going back on... I recommend taking out my whole colon. They seem to be overrated anyway.

If I have cancer I am coming home.


Also, this is very note worthy. Lady Gaga in Cosmo this month:

"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore."

Well put.

I am so happy at the current moment. It is almost overwhelming, I feel like I could explode. I actually want to cry.

At the same time I am so nervous. When will this euphoria end? I do not think I want it to... ever.



This song reminds me of him:

Now the sky could be blue
I don’t mind
Without you it’s a waste of time

Could be blue,
Could be grey
Without you I’m just miles away

I am having the most amazing start to a new year ever.

I have met the most amazing man. He makes me feel like I should. He makes me giddy. This is something I have not felt in a long time. There is something about him that has me so stuck. It is such a good feeling.

I cannot put this into words. It has been a while since I have felt this way.



I am so happy.

Last night was the "office's" Holiday Party. I use the term office loosely as we are only 3 people deep. So really it was the 3 of us and everyone else in Bisbee that stopped by. The party was so fucking slammin. It was seriously like the party from Grandma's Boy. So good.

I met a new boy. Border Patrol. How fucking hott is that? I'm about to live across the street from him. Could get interesting...

I want to see 3 movies. I'll be home on Wednesday and 2 come out on Christmas. Who's going with me?

Bisbee was actually fun this weekend. Minus the part where I worked...

Month 3 of living in Bisbee. It is okay. Not my kind of town completely though. I need a busy life, full of crazy drivers, late nights, and places open past 5pm. This town literally shuts down at 5, restaurants close at 9 or earlier, and bars 1am. Not that anyone is even out that late anyway.

Well I met a dude here. It is not going well. Actually it is over. He is too immature, and is still meeting people off myspace even though he wants to be committed to me. Wow.

I am completely obsessed with Sookie Stackhouse. The books more so than the series. I have dreams about Eric. I am pathetic. However, I am finished with all the books. I am in hiatus until May. Fuck.

I am looking to move already. I cannot afford rent here. I was only suppose to be paying $600 including ALL utilities. Now I am paying cable/internet, gas and electric. Keep in mind my heater is gas and so is my stove. So my bills are about to be through the roof. Especially since it has been so freakin cold here and the heater has been running non-stop. But I looked at an apartment today. Not a house, but whatever. I would save on car gas cause its in the middle of everything!! "City life." It is $650 and that includes everything. For real. So that is better?? I hate this shit. All my money problems are due to student loans. Fuck student loans!

I'll be home for Christmas. You can count on me.